The Headmaster's Prank
by Stella Malodi
Summary: Why does the Headmaster feel the need to offer lemon drops to every single person who walks into his office? Simply put, it's both a prank and a path to redemption. Features a manipulative and slightly mischievous Dumbledore with a conscience. Oneshot


**Disclaimer: Even if I did get into the business of buying fictional people, I wouldn't buy Dumbledore. He's too contradictory. As it is, I'm not the business of buying people, fictional or not, so I own nothing you see. **

People often wondered how Dumbledore could possibly know as much as he did about the goings-on of Hogwarts. The typical non-answers given by defeated detectives were, "It's because he's Headmaster," and, "It's because he's Dumbledore." The second answer was accepted wherever the Headmaster was thought to be all-knowing and infallible; in other words, throughout most of the Wizarding World. Albus Dumbledore would be the first to tell you that he was neither infallible nor all-knowing; if pressed, he would admit that he knew more that most and that, because of his superior information, he made fewer mistakes out of ignorance. However, the secret of just how he knew all of these things was known to few. When those select few found out, they always managed to be surprised at the simplicity of it. What was the secret to being well-informed?

Lots and lots of tracking charms, coupled with even more eavesdropping charms.

This was for the students' safety, in more ways then one. Among the spells was one that would alert him if the person was in danger; it worked rather like the Weasley matron's infamous clock, particularly the space titled "Mortal Peril." Not a single student had been irreparably injured during his tenure as Headmaster. He acknowledged that he couldn't take all of the credit; a large part went to his excellent and ever-vigilant Potions Masters, and the superb skills of Madam Pomfrey. However, many of the surreptitious duels students thought the teachers didn't know about would have ended in disaster if not for his surveillance. Also because of his precautions, it had been many years since even one couple went "too far" with their relationship. Dumbledore's system for dealing with those sorts of problems was quite simple: if one of his devices alerted him to a potential problem, he alerted Peeves. This was one of the reasons that the Supreme Mugwump kept the prankster around; he had found that a cold bucket of water and a very loud poltergeist cooled down even the most ardent of paramours.

One thing that most people would never have guessed, in light of this information, was that the Headmaster felt guilty about the very spells that had produced such spectacular results.

These wonderful results were the only things that comforted him when his conscience whispered about his invasion of the students' privacy. After one night too many of fretting over whether or not he was doing the right thing, he came up with a compromise. The more he thought about it, the more he liked it. When he envisioned the response of his dour potions master, he laughed out loud. He knew he had found his solution. It would ease his conscience, but it would be a rather excellent prank, too.

He would imbed the counter to all but one of his surveillance spells in lemon drops, a delightful treat he had recently been introduced to. He had found that trusting people could generally be trusted; at the very least, he felt sure that they could be trusted not to break the rules, and so he would not feel uneasy about leaving only the spell that detected if the person was in danger. The only people likely to accept when he offered the treat would be those who trusted him. Many would think that this would lead to an immediate decrease in his surveillance's efficacy- after all, who **didn't** trust the man? - but he thought not. In actuality, most people only trusted the Headmaster up to a certain point. They did not trust him enough to feel easy in his presence, nor did they trust him enough to confide in him. It was part of the job description, but it still made him sad that his charges feared him; that they expected him to punish them, just because he could. His position as headmaster was so intimidating that he was quite unable to be there for the children as he dearly wished to be. He could understand perfectly why it was that they shied away from him, but that didn't stop him from hoping that someday it would be different. In the meantime, he had a counter to invent and a camera to set up in his office. He planned to photograph and preserve the look that was sure to appear on Severus Snape's face the first time he was offered a lemon drop. It would be enjoyed for many years to come.

In future years, he would smile whenever a child accepted his offer of candy. It made him feel that he was making a difference in the children's lives, and that maybe, just maybe, he was succeeding in his goal to make the world a better place. Once the student left his office, the old man would sometimes chuckle at the irony of it all. After all, who would ever suspect the esteemed Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore of helping a student unknowingly play a prank on the aforementioned man with too many names and titles, along with all of the students and staff of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry?

**A/N: Congratulations! You have my permission to review, nitpick, Britpick, and/or praise this and other stories, no matter how long ago they were originally published! Don't you feel lucky?**


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